Rambo 3

Rambo turns to the agent who brought him the news. "I'm going after him! I want you to get my supplies. They've got Trautman, and now they're going to get their worst nightmare!"

--From the Genesis Rambo 3 instruction manual.

Overview:
     OK, you are Rambo which means two things: you shouldn’t be without your medication and you can expect to be beaten up early and often. Has Sylvester Stallone ever played a character that wasn’t a human punching bag? Our Hero, like the real Rambo and Timex watches, can take a kicking and keep on ticking. It takes a lot to kill him, but the Commies throw a lot at him. You’d better be fast or you won’t last.

     And couldn't Rambo at least wear a tee-shirt? Like what does he think is going to stop the bullets? Adrian's face? ADRIAN! Yeah, I guess Rambo wouldn't be Rambo if he could protect himself. Just marches into the gunfire wearing nothing but his dogtags.

     Ain’t nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is gonna make it through the first scene on the first try. OK, the English might be bad, but them Commies are worse. If you are gonna sit there and correct my grammar, then you can put yourself on the fire now, cause you are already cooked.

     Anybody got a clue as to what that last paragraph meant and why it’s in this review?

     This game has more action than a popcorn popper. Commies keep coming at you from every direction and all you have are explosive arrows, time bombs, your trusty knife and a machine gun to fight them with. Actually that is a nice cache of weaponry. So what’s your problem? It isn’t as if you have only your wits and some kitchen mitts!

     This is a rare game where you can kill until you puke! Wait a second, aren’t all action games like that? Well whatever, the game plays out on a military base, not a kindergarten, so tough guys should already know their way around. All you need is a turkey and a parade and it would be a Rambo Thanksgiving.

     There are six missions to keep you busy with intense fighting and graphic sounds. As you slog your weary way from one mission to another just assume that things will get worse before they get…no, just assume things are going to get worse.

     You can hear your explosive arrow charging up and can almost feel the bullets pass by you by the sound of the gunfire but then some slack-jaw sound technician makes bombs sound like machine gun fire and you are more confused than Rambo reading the Business Section. The first dozen times I used them, I just thought the enemy was blasting me. But the explosions make up for it by throwing fire and shrapnel everywhere. It is a beautiful sight.

     When you have selected the explosive arrow, the longer that you hold the “B” button down, the more powerful it becomes.

     Explosive Arrows work against towers but not ammo dumps and conversely, Time Bombs work against ammo dumps but not towers.

     Missions 1, 3, 5 and 6 have bonus rounds that you must win in order to advance.

Mission One:
     After killing all the commies, blast your way through the gate with machine gun fire and explosive arrows. (OK, Baby, aren’t you ashamed? You could have figured that out by yourself if you hadn’t been so worried about your dirty diaper)

Mission Two:
     OK Sissy, you will need to fire your machine gun (not your milk bottle) at the cells until the Secret Agent identifies himself. When he does, the place is about to blow up so get out quickly by blowing up the exit.

Mission Three:
     You have to destroy the guard towers with timer bombs (like I was going to use oatmeal) and use machine gun fire to break through the gate.

Mission Four:
     This is Real Rambo Rampage Time! You have to destroy EVERYTHING until some hokey ratio reaches 100%. (10,000 dead commies and I still only got a 98%!)

Mission Five:
     He’s at it again! Destroy the tanks and helicopters using fully charged explosive arrows (is there another kind?) and kill everybody (except for yourself - you are a psychopath, not a suicidal mental patient).